Wednesday, December 16, 2015

Reader Question: Boyfriend's "Type"

Hi Mary Rose~

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about four months now and he recently told me that gothic girls have always been his "type". We have a good relationship so far but hearing that kind of made me uncomfy. How can I tell if he's dating me because he just wanted to date a gothic girl or if he really likes me?

Anonymous


Hello, and thank you for writing in. 

Personally, I wouldn't be concerned about that. I feel like I'm forever dating people who had childhood crushes on Sam Manson, Lydia Deetz, or other Goth girl characters. It's not uncommon for people to date people who are their preference, I do for my own (Nerds. Basically.) and it doesn't mean that they're just dating some for fitting their preference, not because of who they are. If your relationship has been good so far, there's no reason to end it now because your boyfriend likes Goths in general. 

The only reason I could see for ending a relationship under those circumstances is if you started to feel that your boyfriend only was with you because you're a Goth. Does he pay attention to those aspects of you that aren't so spooky? Is he okay with it when you're not dressed to the nines in your Goth wear? Do you have other mutual interests that your relationship is based on? Does he respect you and treat you well? If so, you're good to go. If not, that's when I would start to question your boyfriend's motives.

Readers, would it bother you for your significant other to say that you fit their general "type"? Would it be fetishizing or just normal? 

13 comments:

  1. Considering that I was totally NOT my current husband's "type" when we met, I'd have to say it wouldn't bother me either way now. I'm older than he is, I had a child, and I wasn't a plus size with a large bust. We got to be very good friends first, and things just took off from there. All our friends thought it would NEVER last, but after 16 years we're still together. :-)

    I think your advice is perfect for this situation. Most of us have some kind of expectations of how we want our significant other(s) to look and/or act, but that doesn't mean that if we actually DO fit that type there is something wrong or abnormal with the relationship. It just means that we first got noticed because we "fit the type"; what happens from there is up to them and us.

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    1. I think "unusual couples" like that work out more than people assume they will!

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  2. It would definitely bother me since I am not his type at all. LOL My husband loves larger, Caucasian women with blue eyes and black hair. I am Native American. I have a type and he fits that so there have been times in our relationship where I would feel insecure since I didn't fit his mold.

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  3. Yeaaaah. If their whole thing about liking goth girls as that they're "kinkier" or "easier" than their non-goth peers that's definitely in the fetishizing category -- ditto if they're always on about "dark gothic goddesses" and so on (like the majority of the comments on pictures of goth women on public goth groups on FB).

    But if it's just "yeah, I always had a thing for goth girls" and they're into similar things then it's not so bad. My partner has said he prefers goth girls but he also hasn't ONLY dated goth girls which makes it not a problem for me.

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    1. Oh god I've seen those Facebook groups, the comments always skeev me out so I stay far away.

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  4. My fella who is now my husband always wanted to date a goth girl. He considers them one of his three types. When we met he even said that I reminded him of Nora in “Pump Up The Volume”, which I found amusing and sweet. I'm attracted to men who can carry a conversation. If they're dumb as dirt it doesn't matter what they look like. I suppose that's a type ;D

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    1. Yeah, I think personality types should probably hold a bit more sway! Nerds are it for me.

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  5. Good advice, makes sense to me. Having a preference is fine so long as you are with someone for who they are, whether they fit your ideal mold or not.

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  6. I don't think having a type is a bad thing. I have pretty much only ever dated skinny guys with longish hair and nice eyes. However the success or failure of my relationships has had nothing to do with the physical appearance or musical interests of said guys. It depended on how we worked as a couple.

    If your reader's relationship is otherwise good, then I wouldn't worry at all =]

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    1. I agree, if it's working out then something like that shouldn't really affect it!

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  7. I'm not sure that I'd be comfortable with dating someone because I fit their type, because then I'd have to question their tastes! ;) Seriously speaking, I'd be fine with it as long as my "type" wasn't the only reason why they were dating me.

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    1. i totally agree with you man, but you can know what type of relationships you are in, this is more useful https://kovla.com/blog/find-type-relationships/
      this is my article about it, enjoy.

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