Wednesday, November 25, 2015

50 Little Goth Problems

I love being a Goth, don't get me wrong, but there are just some issues we tend to have to deal with that can be an extraordinary pain. Here are some of the ones that have been floating around my brain lately, with a peppering of snark.

  1. Accumulating a Victorian-esque collection of artful clutter is all well and good until it comes to dusting it all.
  2. When the only black lipstick you can find is dry and waxy or approximately $100,000 (plus shipping.)
  3. Trying to color-match black clothing while online shopping.
  4. Not really realizing how faded your hair has become until you dye it again.
  5. Having internet friends that you'd love to meet up with in person but they live waaaay too far away.
  6. The Look you get when you're in school and a professor or teacher mentions Gothic literature and Architecture.
  7. Wanting to have a parasol but not wanting to have to deal with carrying it the whole day. 
  8. Having unfinished DIY projects cluttering up your workspace but being unable to finish them for one reason or another. 
  9. Whenever you wear color there are always one or two people who act like it’s a personal attack on all they understand and hold to be godly and true in this world.
  10. Every time you find the perfect pale foundation, it gets discontinued. Every. Time. 
  11. Having extremely high relationship standards because of Morticia and Gomez. 
  12. Eyeliner that melts or fades halfway through your day. 
  13. Not especially liking tea but wanting to have a tea party anyway.
  14. Halloween is only really celebrated one day a year (however much you try to deny it and celebrate it every day.)
  15. Breaking in new boots.
  16. Having bought vinyl records before actually buying a record player.
  17. Black nail polish being the easiest to tell when it's chipped. 
  18. Feeling the need to stick up for the scene in the face of all the negative stereotypes even when you know full well some of those stereotypes are true.
  19. Heat. Summer. Ugh. 
  20. Trying to find a way to Goth up little aspects of your daily life because it matters, damn it. 
  21. Pet fur. On everything.
  22. Having Non-Goth interests is apparently a hard thing (for both Non-Goths and certain Goths) to understand.
  23. Scuffs on black leather or patent shoes. 
  24. Not being able to understand the words to your favorite song because they're either screamed or mumbled. 
  25. Becoming completely unstable in platform shoes. 
  26. Ripping the one pair of tights or stockings you actually wanted to remain intact.
  27. Brushing your hair after you had it teased up and hair sprayed all day. 
  28. Being unable to find the particular black shirt you need in a closet/floordrobe full of black clothing.
  29. Liking horror movies even though honestly 90% of them are completely terrible. 
  30. Having mixed feelings about Goth coming back into style because A) it means more Goth things easily found in stores but B) they're insanely expensive again. 
  31. Worrying about walking at night because you're virtually invisible to cars. 
  32. Loving talon-style nails but being completely unable to keep up with them. 
  33. Looking back at your old babybat style and being slightly embarrassed. 
  34. If you eventually tire of black hair, needing tons of salon appointments or bleach bottles to get back to a lighter shade. 
  35. How many of your favorite Goth icons and favorite authors, musicians, artists, etc. have passed. 
  36. Black, blue, and purple lipstick making your teeth look yellow. 
  37. The shock on someone's face when they see you without makeup for the first time. 
  38. When your google history looks like that of a serial killer because of simple curiosity.
  39. People who are still waiting for you to grow out of it. 
  40. Accidentally ruining a favorite vintage clothing piece and knowing you won't be able to find a replacement.
  41. When your velvet starts to bald. 
  42. Making a passing reference to the Goth Cabal or Goth Points and then having to explain that it's a scene joke. 
  43. Having to wait for October to roll around to find your favorite decor accents and craft supplies in local stores. 
  44. Uneven eyeliner wings. 
  45. The scene in your town being too small and non-existent or too drama-prone. 
  46. The look someone gives you when you show them what Goth music actually is, not what they thought it was. 
  47. Wanting to wear that Joy Division t-shirt without being quizzed by music elitists to name all of their songs and the weather the day Ian Curtis was born. 
  48. Liking spider themed jewelry, not actual spiders.
  49. When people make assumptions about what you like because you're a Goth instead of asking what you, as a person, actually like. 
  50. Always, every day: "Does it come in black?"
What Goth problems do you think we (almost) all deal with?


  1. I can relate to numbers 5, 8, 19 and 20.

  2. Replies
    1. Hahaha, nope. I finally got desensitized to it when I took a course specifically on Gothic architecture but prior to that every time I knew I was getting looks.

  3. Oh dear, 28 and 26. Why is it always when I need to rip a pair of tights, there isn't any damaged one in my wardrobe and I have to destroy an intact one - and when I want to keep it as it is, it always runs here or there?

    1. The universe just wants us to suffer, apparently.

  4. #28 has actually been causing me a lot of stress. Like legit, almost tears, every time I want to get dressed.

    1. I unpack my dresser at least three times a week muttering "I can't f*cking see!" Sigh.

  5. 10. I often mix baby powder with other foundation powders so I don't look like I have a fake tan.

    12. I find that Benefit They're Real eyeliner works all day even when I cry and wipe at my eyes :)

    13. I'm such a coffee girl... Apparently this breaks the rules ;p

  6. GREAT post!! I can relate to almost every one of these in one way or another. I don't think you've missed anything, either!

    BTW, I have the answer to #12, but I know eventually #10 will happen to it.

  7. Love your list, agree with so many of them.

    'Wanting to wear that Joy Division t-shirt without being quizzed by music elitists to name all of their songs and the weather the day Ian Curtis was born.'

    THIS. SO MUCH THIS. I feel like if I wear it out of the house I'll have to carry a record bag with their entire back-catalogue on vinyl in it, just to prove myself. Sadly I have the LPs but no record bag =P

    Also I have to break in my boots soon, my steel toe cap DMs are dying and I asked for a replacement pair for Christmas. I am preemptively feeling the pain already!

    1. It's so annoying! I wish they'd just let everyone else live their life. Honestly, if a person doesn't listen to the band, who are they hurting?

  8. All of them. Me. Oh my goth. Scarily accurate.
    Also the problems of being to tired to dress up in the morning to look gothy at school, and being broke, and not wanting to scare your grandmother.

  9. Having NO facial recognition/recall while EVERYBODY remembers you the first time they see you.

    1. Yup! I've started capitalizing on it, honestly. If I need to jog someone's memory after we've met in person I'll just say "Oh, I'm Mary! Remember, the gothy one." and they usually remember after that.

  10. #10 - I thought that was just me being paranoid! And ditto for the perfect shade of lip color, which quickly segues into #2.

    Solution for #13: Bubble tea! Using the black tapioca bubbles, of course.

    1. Really? None of my tea-hating friends really like bubble tea. Although, I do really like it, so they can suffer. :P

  11. that list was so true it hurts *looks woefully at unmatched black clothing*

  12. Being asked if I sleep in a coffin...

    Being that one person everyone goes to when looking for the answer to something weird "Hey, you're Goth; where can I buy a life-size skeleton?"

    Having to wear not-Goth/colours somewhere and not knowing /how/...

    Goth problem/advantage: People don't want to sit next to you on public transport; helps ensure personal space when it's busy, but is a bit insulting.

  13. -Identifying as a goth in the first place..
    -When you catch yourself asking 'is this song/outfit/book etc goth enough?'
    -Trying to straighten or backcomb your hair in the summer, putting a ton of hairspray, then having it turn messy and starting to scratch your head because hairspray and sweating don't go together.

    1. I agree with your first point! Let's start identifying as "scene fluid" or "genre fluid."

    2. I deal with the third every summer

  14. #1 ... the reason why I'm STILL downsizing my collection. ;)

  15. Hopped over here from Lucretia's, and I'm awfully glad I did! I'm not Goth, but I have enough tendencies to get cross-wise looks on a regular basis.

    4. Purple hair dye is due to arrive in today's mail, so I can get back to my 'normal' color.
    8. Unfinished DIY is a way of life and I have accepted that it will always be like this.
    11. Morticia + Gomez = Perfect!
    21. Pet fur is an accessory.
    28. Every day!
    50. My sister-in-law reminds me regularly that black is not a color. I ignore this. I don't need that kind of negativity.

  16. All I can say is that as a suburban corporate gothic mommy, I'm thankful that LLBean has black clothes.
    On a different note, I went to a goth concert with one of my old friends (we are in our 30's). The babybats these days are SOOO high maintenance and snobby. We were treated with respect like elders, but dayum! I hope these kids skip the next show. It was Rasputina by the ways. Fabs.

  17. I think we all deal with several of those problems! If you don't mind, I'd like to suggest two more (from personal experience):

    -People wanting to borrow our "wig", not realising it's our real hair, even though we have very showing roots

    -Liking horror movies when you are a girl (and live in a small town).

    Love your blog, keep it up :)

  18. I can relate to many of these points, I'm laughing out loud as I read them!

  19. when random people seem to think morals fly out the window when dealing with a goth and take pictures of me, make rude comments, etc

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  21. Tie, button or zip shoes before corset laces

  22. The bullshit expectation/standard/misconception that all goths must be/are deathly pale. And ethnic goths just starting out question whether or not we CAN be. I never questioned my ability to be goth because of my skin color and was shocked and disappointed when I heard that some ethnic goths are invalidated or told to stop trying to be white when they dress in this style. Eurocentricity is a problem that a lot of people either ignore or don't know about.
    Then there's the expectation for all goths to wear make-up *eye roll*

  23. I love spiders. I ind them fascinating and used to keep them in Jars as pets. I have one tattooed on my arm and plan to get more.

  24. Black coffee being the ultimate goth drink, and likeing spiders, or anything black are prime examples of bad goth cleches, some goths actuly prefer there coffee white like me and dont were nothing but black otherwise youd be like the goth kids in south park

  25. Its World Goth Day. I love this list. It's all true Xd

  26. Being asked if I’m depressed because I wear black