Wednesday, October 9, 2013

25 Goth Posts I'd Read in a Heart Beat

Sometimes, all it takes to know that I don't want to read a blog post is the title. Some of them seem dull, and I can tell by others that reading them would take up way too much of my time. There's a whole science to making people read your blog posts just by the titles, but I know nothing about this science except that it exists. Still, I know the kinds of posts I'd love to read, so here are 25 Goth posts I'd read in a heart beat.

  1. My Goth Grandma
  2. All Victorian Photos Are Post-Mortem: An eBay Buyer's Guide
  3. How Nick Cave's mustache changed my life 
  4. Dave Vanian and Other Proof That Vampires Really Exist
  5. Paleo-Goth Yuppies: The Plague of 2014?
  6. Einsturzende Neubaum and other unpronouncable Goth bands
  7. 5 Goth "Gangnam Style" Remixes You Must Hear
  8. I Googled Gothic And they Gave Me Baroque, and Other Goth Problems
  9. 10 Must-See Pictures of Peter Murphy looking Surly
  10. Con Ettiquette for Goths that Hate Anime But Showed Up Anyway
  11. Bela Lugosi's Threads and 99 Other Horrible Goth Puns
  12. Are Box Jelly Fish the new Bat?
  13. 25 Alternatives to Siouxsie Brows
  14. How Can You Tell It's a Phase If You're Still In It, you Little Shit? and other retorts to your Goth spawn's whinging. 
  15. How to Pull off The Crow Make Up
  16. Goth Crush: Gordon Ramsay
  17. 10 Ways to Use Excessive X's In your Next Username
  18. Why Porn Belongs in the Goth Tag
  19. Goth Confession: Halloween Makes me Barf
  20. How to Stop Romanticizing Death and Tragedy, You Sick Freaks: A Goth's Guide
  21. Top 5 Goth/Symphonic Accordion Fusion Songs
  22. World-Wide Eyeliner Shortage Leads to Goth Exodus to Jupiter
  23. How to Pose for Pictures Without Scowling Or Throwing the Horns
  24. Goth DIY: Home-Made Mattress For Your Coffin
  25. Goth Fashion Inspiration: The Wiggles
I hope you'll forgive the gentle teasing here, you all. School is being a drag and it was far too tempting to resist. What kinds of silly Goth posts would you like to read?


  1. Wow, your classes must REALLY be boring today! These are great!! :-) Hopefully one of my grandchildren will write #1 about me. But that may take awhile, since they're not born yet... And please promise you WILL let me know if you ever see a DIY for a coffin mattress!!

  2. "4. Dave Vanian and Other Proof That Vampires Really Exist"

    PREACH. That man is fucking deathless. I saw the Damned in concert a few years ago and I could not believe that Dave is my mother's age. I've been kind of obsessed since.

    Actually, that concert included one of my favorite crowd-watching stories-- there was a well-dressed middle aged soccer mom standing next to me stage side in pearls and a sweater set who knew all the words to every song and had a recent glamor shot of Dave as her background on her phone. It's always reassuring to see someone who's grown out of the goth/punk aesthetic, but aren't embarrassed or apologetic about it.

    (Also, word to boring classes. That's why I'm delurking to ramble about concerts. Haha.)

  3. 'Bela Lugosi's Threads and 99 Other Horrible Goth Puns'

    I would read the hell out of that.

  4. oh these are SO awesome. someone do these for real

  5. Number twenty is far to close to something I actually wrote and ended up never posting!

  6. I think you have some ideas there for writing your own blogposts. I'm useless in coming up with witty blogpost titles.

  7. Aha! I love this list so much. I'm going to send it to my friend and persuade her to write the post 'How Nick Cave's mustache changed my life'!

    I often give my posts really silly titles, I hope it doesn't put people off reading them!

  8. I expect you to tackle all of these :)

  9. God yes I'm going to write about Nick Cave. I'm going to fill it with WHY DID HE HAVE TO GET RID OF IT TT_TT

  10. 'How to look like a zombie'
    'look gothy in pink'
    'goth birthday party in a rooftop'
    'Was Edgar Allan Poe a goth?'
    'Difference between cat eye make up and pandas'


  11. I'm going to write all of these!!