Saturday, February 9, 2013

4 Tips for Non Goths Dating a Goth

Readers, next week is Valentine's day, as you're probably aware. No, I don't also consider it "Singles Awareness Day" or what have you, since you don't need to be in a relationship to show appreciation to your friends with little cards or to stuff your face with chocolate. Now, this post isn't about Valentines day specifically, but it does take cues from the romantic air around this time of year. I'm here to give four tips for dating a Goth, mostly intended for those of my readers who are more "Goth-lovers" than "Goth-livers," if you see my meaning. So, here are four tips for dating a Goth:

  1. If you have a question about Goth, do your own research first. Yes, it's true, most of us don't mind answering questions about ourselves, but being treated like a walking Encyclopedia of Goth all the time can be a bit exhausting. Your question can usually just be answered with a simple Google search and your beloved will surely appreciate the effort you took to learn about the subculture that they call home. 
  2. Know that as they don't sign a contract with the Goth Cabal that they have to look or act super Goth all the time. If you're someone's significant other, you're probably going to be seeing them more often than other people and some of the time, your beloved probably won't be Gothed to the nines. I've lost track of how many times my various significant others have seen me sans makeup, wearing pajama pants and a t-shirt, curled up on a bed playing x-box. Try not to make a big deal about it.
  3. If you aren't in the same friends group as your Goth (or if you intend on inviting them to meet your parents), prepare both your intended and your friends/parents/guardians/coworkers for their eventual meeting, especially if you think the familial party will take issue with your partner being ooky and spooky. This Do your best to explain the situation with both parties, and be prepared to play referee if things go wrong.
  4. Remember that, above all, being a Goth is just a part of who your beloved or be-tolerated is. They are their own person with their own interests that may or may not be Goth related, and while we may be boiled down to Goth caricatures by people who don't know us, that probably isn't going to work out so well in a relationship. Phrases like "But, babe, I thought Goths were supposed to..." should be pretty much banned from your vocabulary. 

And with that, I leave you with my four tips for dating a Goth. I tried to err away from specifics of romance, like date ideas or things, because lets be honest that could be a fun post on its own, but more than that I want to stress that every Goth is different and lumping them together like that in a romantic context is asking for trouble. I hope you all found those useful and that you can now shower your darling in all the fripperies of the season. Or just be extra awesome to them on a daily basis. Whatever works.


  1. I have been married to a non-goth husband for almost 6 years. We both share the love of disdain, loud music, cats, and books. He hardly ever wears black skirts, but he loves it when I do :)

  2. My partner and I have been together for almost four years and it has come to a point that he knows the lyrics to all my favourite Cure songs since I play them so often. :3

  3. I have noticed that lots of goths have non goth girl/boyfriends. Here's another.
    I don't think it's so much stranger to honour a goth than other. Maybe we are a bit more romantic :)

  4. My boy is definitely not goth, but he's pretty cool with me being as strange as I am. He's pretty strange too, just in his own ways.

  5. same hear i been with my non-goth boy for over 6years and got two kids now together i think it more interest having a non-goth partner

  6. My Love is an undercover metalhead, struggling in office environment. :)
    I can't stand his favourite types of music, my luck that he likes goth music, too. Sometimes I wish that I could fully convert him. :D

  7. It's extraordinary to meet individuals from different areas of life.They can expose you to new thoughts,qualities and music.You may discover an abundance of new things to love.In the meantime you get the chance to share your love for goodness' sake Goth as well.Indicating another person can help you take a gander at the things you love with fresh eyes and renewed passion.

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  9. I'm goth, but my boyfriend isn't. He loves being flashy but does not mind that I wear black and look spooky.