Wednesday, February 22, 2012

A Simple Confidence Trick

One question that "seasoned" Goths are often asked by newbies is how to get the confidence to wear the clothes that we do and really be ourselves. Depending on who you ask, you can get results varying from "suck it up" to "just remember how fabulous you are!" I don't claim to be seasoned, but I have a simple confidence trick that I like to use that I, personally, find much more helpful than just "sucking it up."

Source: Weird Worm

The first thing I like to do is make a list of three people who have earned my respect enough and who have proved to be positive influences on me and my behavior. These people respect me in turn and don't judge me for being myself, though they feel free to offer their opinions when I am doing I probably shouldn't. For me, those people are:

  • My father
  • My boyfriend
  • My Journalism teacher

If you want to make your own list, I can give you a few prompts. Your best friend, your parent or guardian, your roommate, your sibling, your significant other, your penpal, your teacher, your coach, your Tumblr crush, etc. Now what do we do with these names? Whenever someone criticizes you for what you're wearing, what you're listening to, what you're reading, or what you are doing in any way, you think in your head about what those three people would day. For example:

  • Would my Journalism teacher like this outfit? Hell yeah, she'd think it's fabulous. So stuff off, person I don't even know. Your opinion means nothing to me.
  • Would my dad approve of this book? He approves that I read, period. And, really, I do too. So if someone has an issue with that, that's their issue. Not mine.
  • Would my boyfriend like this song? Knowing my own boyfriend's music tastes, probably, and his general attitude of "fuck everyone else" in regards to insignificant people's opinions would certainly not let someone telling me that my music is awful convince me.

In reality, some of us might have some trouble finding three people who you know in person that will really not judge you. If that's the case, then one might need to reach out to the Internet community and find those people there. However, the important thing is to limit the amount of people whose opinions you chose to value that highly. If you just say, for example, all of my readers, then you risk putting too much value in the opinions of people that you don't know very well. It can also lead to too many varied opinions, which can lead to you being unsure and right back where you started.

Pardon me if that was very High School Motivation Speaker of me, but I've found that it really works. And, honestly, if one thing is worth being sappy about, it is your self worth. If being a Goth is somehow a larger facet of your personality than it might be to others and a form of expressing yourself that you hold dear, then protecting it and your self esteem will prove to be worth it in the end.


  1. Oooh, what good tips! Thanks a ton! I think I have kind of used that thinking process before without knowing, and it really is a booster. Cheers.

    -- Tenebris In Lux